Don't want to be an American idiot
by Danny Joey Ketail
Summary: Draco is forced to move to America in his third year. Now, back for his sixth year, Hogwarts must beware, for the American is back! MAJOR!OOC!DRACO Sub!Draco Rating may change to M. HPDM. Most likely discontinued or a serious-plot rewrite
1. Moving away –Airport

Don't want to be an American Idiot

Summary –Draco is forced to move to America in his third year. Now, back for his sixth year, Hogwarts must beware, for the American is back! MAJOR!OOC!DRACO Submissive!Draco

A/N I just really wanted to write this! By the way, this is a Harry x Draco fanfiction and I would like to say that Draco will be the Uke (the boy taking the girl's role. Basically the submissive one) and Harry will be the Seme (the boy in the boy's position. The dominant one). I think Draco is too blond and cute to be Seme.

Warning: I do not own Harry Potter and there will be a SINGING MALFOY. I apologize ahead of time for any mistakes.

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><p>Chapter 1 –Moving away –Airport<p>

"Draco. You _will _listen to me. We are moving and there is nothing you can do about it."

Draco gritted his teeth in annoyance. His father had decided oh so randomly and out of the blue (he really had a very virtuous reason but Draco wasn't listening) to move all the way to America! Draco had protested like the spoiled child he was. He DID NOT want to move to America. Who will he make fun of? Who will he brag to about his pureblood-ness and his wealth? There was no Harry Potter there to make fun of for his mistakes or make him lose points or make him get detention! It wasn't fair! He wouldn't see his friends again or be hailed as the Ice Prince of Slytherin! He was not moving to America and that's that!

And that was exactly why he was flying inside a _Muggle _fly contraption called an airplane. Really, could they _not _name something that points out the obvious?! Stupid Muggles…

"Father," He once again started complaining to his father, whom was unfortunately sitting next to his with a stinging migraine, and ranted, on not what you would think, making his father groan and let his head fall into his hand in an acceptable Malfoy manner. Still, Draco took no notice and continued.

After a few minutes that seemed endless to Draco and his father, the young blond huffed in annoyance and turned towards the window, which he was sitting next to, thinking about his life and what had just happened.

It was just in the middle of his third year when he father had decided to visit and state to him (in private of course. Malfoy's never sprout information in front of gossiping children) that he was to pack his belonging immediately since they were going to America.

He could remember it clearly, the simple sentence ringing in his ears.

'_Pack your belongings, Draco. We're moving to America.'_

And that was that. Draco did what he was told, somewhat in shock and magically packed his things. It wasn't until Lucius had gotten a House Elf to send his things to their house that Draco finally realized what was happening. He questioned and harangued but, alas, it was no use. They floo'ed to the nearest wizard bar near the 'Airport' and had gotten on their 'plane'. Why his father had decided to use a Muggle contrivance was beyond him. He should not be even near Muggles! He was a Malfoy, he was a pureblood!

Draco huffed and looked around as he and his parents walked in the airport, looking for their exit to the plane. He was forced to wear Muggle clothes. How they didn't think that it was too tight was beyond him, once again, but he had no choice, one again, Draco thought in anger. He was wear what would be casual clothing in the muggle world. It disgusted him. His pants were ripped and hug suggestively on his waist, showing a slim, pale body and the top of black boxers. His silky, white shirt was hugging his body not too tightly but enough to show underneath. His father immediately disapproved but his mother loved it and he _never_ won an argument with his mother if it was about clothes. He had seen dozens of girls looking at him in the airport flirtatiously and guys smirking at him and winking. It kind of scared him when he noticed more boys than girls looking at him with a somewhat sensual look, not that he would admit that it was, but then he noticed that he didn't even seem to care. He liked the attention. He even smiled flirtatiously and winked back at the guys. Some girls looked away, most of them squealed. For what, he wondered why, but that didn't matter right now. And then he saw _him_. All that mattered was that that bloke tall looks hot in skinny jeans! The both had been mesmerized in each other's eyes and immediately meet up, bodies' close and suggestive faces. They talked and laughed with each other. God, if Draco, who was thankful for once, was still at Hogwarts, he would have never met this guy!

His father had caught his doings and looked somewhat enraged, his mother had looked happy and was squealing along with other girls going 'That's my son! See that, that's my son!' His father had ordered him to come back to him. Draco was annoyed but was forced to go back. Before he left though, the teen, Robert, Rob for short, had given him his number on a piece of paper. He had asked what his own number on his 'cellphone' was but Draco, not knowing what it was, just pulled it off by saying that he did not have one yet and going to get one soon and contact him. Rob smirked and watched as Lucius walked back, bristling, grabbed his son's wrists and pulled him away, turning sharply on a corner. They shared one last look, blue hitting grey.

They had boarded the plane and when they finally took their seats, Draco launched into his demands to get a 'cellphone'. He mother gushed and approved and asked if it was to contact that bloke and what a cellphone was. His father was somewhat reluctant but then nodded after some persuading from his son and wife. Some time passed in peace, Draco's thought clouded with the thought of Rob and his muscles until he had just realized that he had just flirted with a muggle and a guy. He went into denial. His mother, seeing her son finally comprehend what he had just done, kicked Lucius out of the middle seat and hugged her son, saying that she would always accept him for who he was (she did not tell him though that she had always been secretly hoping that her son was gay. She never did like that 'Pansy'.) She glared at Lucius and her husband, scared for his life, repeated what his wife had said and looked away.

Draco was snapped out of his thought when he noticed that the plane was going down. Frightened for his life, he clung onto his father, not caring if he was acting like a Malfoy. He was going to die! In a Muggle contraption, no less! His ego would not let this good! He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around his father, effectively knocking the breath out of the man, who was trying to remove his son's arm. It wasn't until a –

'_Passengers, this is your pilot, please put on your seatbelts and prepare for landing'_

–had he understood what was happening.

_THEY WERE GOING TO BLOODY CRASH LAND AND DIE!_

Draco let out a squeak of fear and hung onto his mother and father in a tight, bone crushing hug.

"You know will always love you no matter what, right, my lovely parents that care for me and feed me and provide me food and shelter? Right? I don't care what happened in to past father" Draco interfered and cut his father's oncoming sentence. "You guys are the best, I will never forget you. You have been awesome parents. I love you to so much. I will not forget you in the afterlife. I am sorry that the Malfoy generation has to end so soon. Merlin, I didn't even get to contact Rob yet! I have so many regrets that I can only say in word to you two. Father, I must now confess, it was I that painted you pink in your sleep! I'M SORRY PLEASE DON'T HIT ME! You looked fabulous in front of the Minister! I swear! And Mother, it was I that cut up all your clothing! I was playing pirate with Blaise and we need some eye patches and we kept messing up, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to- well actually, I did, BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT! JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU!"

His parents looked outraged but he could care less. There were going to die! They were going faster and faster. Draco's life flashed before his eyes and he looked out the window –

THE FUCKING GROUND WAS RIGHT THERE!

–Wait, what the hell?

They were _on _the ground–Ohhhhh…..

Draco looked at his parents and did they look _pissed_. Draco laughed awkwardly.

.

.

.

"Oops?"

And that was how Draco's life as an American started.

~AMERICAN IDIOT~

To say the least that Harry was surprised when Malfoy suddenly stopped appearing and some days later the Headmaster informs the school that the blond wasn't going to attend Hogwarts anymore, was an understatement. He was shocked. Malfoy would never leave willingly. He practically _owned _the Slytherin house and got attention so there was no need. Why had Malfoy gone?

Ron, his first sentence being: "He's probably off becoming a Death Eater for You-know-who"

Hermione, her first sentence being: "I wonder what the school will be like without him around."

Harry, his first sentence being: "He has to be up to something."

And that was how Harry was plunged into thoughts, along with Ron and Hermione.

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><p>I had fun writing this. I actually wrote this about six months ago but I'm posting it here and now. I hope you like it! I've never seen an American!Draco fanfiction. Just saying –this will have signing, laughing, crazy, and hamburger-loving Draco. I'm not being prejudiced about American –I <em>am <em>an American. But, if by any chance someone has watched the anime Hetalia, he will act like America. Review if you want to!


	2. Welcome back, Mr Malfoy Re-Sorting

Don't want to be an American Idiot

Summary –Draco is forced to move to America in his third year. Now, back for his sixth year, Hogwarts must beware, for the American is back! MAJOR!OOC!DRACO. Dom!Harry xSub!Draco

Warning: I do not own Harry Potter and there will be a SINGING MALFOY. I apologize ahead of time for any mistakes.

Chapter 1 – Welcome back, Mr. Malfoy. Re-Sorting.

It had been three years since Draco had left. Harry, after the first half year, had his thoughts his thoughts washed away about Draco and just enjoyed his time with his friends and his newly found innocent Godfather. Harry and his friends where going back for their Sixth year at Hogwarts and nothing had happened so far in their small journey. They had boarded the Hogwarts Express after getting out of the Grimmauld place and laughed together. Two years ago was when Harry was forced to enter the Triwizard Tournament. Voldemort had been resurrected and had gotten away, killing Cedric in the process. Last year had been hard. Harry had been falsely led into the Department of Mysteries by a vision from Voldemort, making Harry think that his Godfather, Sirius, had been captured and tortured for his whereabouts but Sirius had refused to tell. They had battled and Sirius had almost died, if not for Tonks who had been able to pull Sirius away from the veil just in time while Remus had sent an expelliarmus and stunning spell at a shocked Bellatrix, capturing her and placing her in Azkaban. Sirius had been finally been proven innocent when the Ministry had watched as he fought alongside of the Oder of the Phoenix. Still, he was forced to stay in hiding inside of the Grimmauld place for hiding from Voldemort.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat down at the Gryffindor table and watched as the Headmaster stood tall. He everything was perfectly normal like always. Dumbledore had called for the first year to be led in. The door went open with a slight creak and Professor McGonagall had walked in with the small, timid first year tripping all over the place. It was normal year! It was going to be a normal–

Wait, who's that?

Many of the students had noticed who Harry had noticed. There was a boy grinning widely in the back, his hands hold his head as the settled comfortably on his long, messy, but silky, blond, almost colorless hair that almost passed the boys shoulders, eyes hit behind dark sunglasses. His hair was almost pure though –If not for the red and black tips and green streaks that painted the blond color. He was undoubtedly small but taller than the other first years to be pointed out. He had baggy clothes, robes nowhere in sight, his pants looking as though they weren't even trying to cover his bum, mostly with the cuts all over it and his dark blue shirt looked for someone much older, surpassing his unseen small hands easily. He looked really familiar but Harry couldn't exactly place it…

…Though it seemed as though most of the older Slytherin's did, if their looks were anything to go by.

Harry watched as everything went by, the Sorting Hat singing and starting to sort the young children. Everyone had gone by, except for that one boy. One thing Harry _did _notice was that Lucius was standing on the side, looking somewhat nervous. But he was focused on the new, older boy. Who was he?

The Headmaster stood up and everything went silent. He clapped his hands.

"Now, I am sure you have noticed this young man over here." Dumbledore motioned at the odd looking boy. "Some you remember him and some of you don't. He will be resorted because of a request from his father so please bear with it. Now, if you will step up, Mister Draco Malfoy."

Gasps and whispers went around the room the first second they heard the man. Harry, Ron and Hermione promptly cocked on their own tongue when they heard the name. _THAT _was Malfoy?!

They watched as _Malfoy _grinned and skipped, _skipped, _up and placed the dirty hat on his head uncomplainingly. It was silent for several minutes. It was even long than Neville's sorting.

Five more minutes passed and it was all silent. No one has ever had a sorting as long as this; well, as long as Harry had hear of and is the mummers and whispers were anything to go by. Finally, the Sorting Hat opened his mouth, mostly likely to yell Slytherin, Harry was sure.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Hogwarts has never been so quiet. Everyone knew of the long pureblood line that the Slytherin Malfoy's stood next to, proud. But it seemed as though Malfoy didn't mind, pleasantly skipping up to the Red and Golden table, pants falling almost all the way to the ground but the multi-colored haired blond made no move to pull them up. He landed on his arse in a way that looked very painful but made no expression that it hut; just kept on grinning.

Harry looked at Malfoy's dad, expecting to see an outrageous expression. It didn't come. He just sighed and muttered under his breath, something the whole school was had caught.

"It was so close to saying Hufflepuff. I should just be thankful he's in Gryffindor."

–And sighed again. He promptly shut the whole school up, once again. Still, it had been, what, three year since Malfoy left? He couldn't have changed that much. He would still be the one to make insults to people.

Unfortunately, the place he sat seemed to be right next to Hermione, the 'Mudblood' as he would call her in a few minutes. Time seemed to be up on schedule as he just turned and faced Hermione. Ron glared at Malfoy, the look in his eyes threatening, asking Malfoy to say something insulting so he could he hex him. Malfoy opened his mouth to say something insulting, Harry was sure.

"'Sup 'Mione!"

Ron fell back. Harry did a double take and Hermione just looked shocked. Harry was the first to get over his shock.

"What's wrong with you!? You are supposed to insult us!" Thankfully, no one was listening to their conversation, as the food had just appeared and the students were starving. The only ones looking at them were Fred, George, and Neville.

Malfoy looked at him and tilted his head, his dark sunglasses sliding down his nose, looking as though he had just been Obliviated, his hair falling perfectly and almost cutely, not that Harry would admit it. Malfoy blinked his big blue-grey eye.

"Why would I insult you? That's totally not cool!" He stood up all of a sudden, eyes drifting off into the distance with a determined look, fist in his air and foot on the table, imitating a super hero; now all he needed was a red cape. "Bullying is totally not cool dude! Don't worry!" Draco grinned wolfishly at the Golden Trio. "I will save you! THE HERO IS HERE!" Everyone stared at him as he crackled insanely. Even the Headmaster was looking at him weirdly, as though he had grown another head. Maybe he did and Harry just needed new glasses. Another head huh…just no brain it seemed… He simply sparked. Not even the Headmasters eyes twinkled that much. Malfoy sat back down…

…And stuffed his mouth.

It wasn't like Ron's, no, it was worse. He took the meat, and stuffed it all in. _ALL OF IT. _It was disturbing and people around him or watching turned green. But, once again, Draco took on notice. Instead, he opted for talking to them, making Neville puke.

"I nthfw faaa ooo init ike me iwn da wejinwing waa I wazz opin at ee an ee oawe ee einds udd!"

Harry felt his stomach turn. That was disgusting. Harry could only question what he was saying. Malfoy repeated. They had to wait when Malfoy finished.

And it didn't take that long, ass Malfoy swallowed _everything_. It was repulsive but he could really do nothing about it honestly.

"I said: 'I know that you didn't like me in the beginning but I've changed and I was hoping we can totally be friend's dude!' I was a total douche bag when we were younger but being in America really changed my, God, what's the word that starts with a p…p-per-perspective. Yeah! That's the word, perspective! HA! IN your face world! Mostly you Kyle! I know big words! But yeah! So, dudes, what'd ya think? We're cool, right?"

Ron looked at Malfoy suspiciously, Hermione with question, and Harry himself with shock.

"I mean," Malfoy continued. "When we were younger, when I called you, 'Mione, a 'Mudblood', it was almost as bad as calling you a mother fuckin' douchedick! Not that I haven't done that to a few, okay, maybe a lot, of people but they deserved it. But I was terrible! Really! I can't believe that! And-Oh! SEE YA OLD BRO!" Harry looked off to where Malfoy was looking off to. It was his father, Lucius, who was walking out the door, looking as though everything was normal. His son just proclaimed that he was a hero and was going to save everyone and shoved his face full of food! Was it normal now?

Harry looked at the multi-colored blond. He was babbling non-stop again to Ron, who looked somewhat disgusted even though he stuffs his face too. Heh, Harry though, I bet he'll never do it again. But still, it didn't make him from trusting Malfoy immediately.

.

Harry was starting to think that this was not Malfoy. He was brought out of his musings as he was temporarily blinded by a flash.

"Waaa…?"

Harry turned towards one person: Draco Malfoy. He was on his…phone?

"Hash tag~! Hanging with Harry! Hash tag Her-mi-one Gran-ger. Hash tag Ron-ald Wes-ley. Hash tag Hogggggwarts. Hash tag Dray-Dray! Hash tag Draco Mallllll-foy. Hash Tag~"

And he went on and on say 'Hash tag' this and 'has tag' that. What in Merlin is a hash-tag?! Some kind of weird American Hash brown!? He didn't want to ask.

After a weird dinner, the Golden Trio and Neville had to _drag_ a whiny, sleepy Draco Malfoy to the Gryffindor tower. Ron spoke before they could say the new password.

"Now, look here Malfoy. You ARE NOT going to tell all of your slimy Slytherin friends our password, got it?! Or I'll personally Obliviate you out of existence, ya hear?!" Ron screamed in his face. Neville grimaced at the loud. Draco blinked stupidly.

"Wha…? Why would I tell them!?" He suddenly got angry. "I'm the HERO! I WILL protect our hideout! EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!" He screamed passionately. Harry couldn't even….Hideout…?

Ron seemed to think the same thing and just sighed, rubbing his forehead tiredly. One would think he just fought Voldemort.

Ron muttered the password 'Unus de Animus' meaning 'Ones of Bravery'. They all walked in the common room, Draco bringing a lot of attention, which he seemed to like and live off of. Well, one thing didn't change.

Harry pushed him to the boy's dormitory, bidding a small goodbye to Hermione as she watched worriedly.

'Please don't put him in out room, please don't put him in out room, please –" Harry chanted in his room before he saw his, along with his roommates door with an extra plate with said in clear, descriptive words 'Draco Malfoy'

Harry, Ron, and Neville sighed and pushed a sleepy Draco in the room and pushed him on his new red bed. They flopped down on their own until there was a shuffling noise that woke them all up. Harry cried as he looked up to see a fully awake Draco Malfoy undressing.

Oh god…His slim torso, his milky shoulders, his small adorable V line, his –

BAD THOUGHTS HARRY! BAD. THOUGHTS!

Harry shook his head. "Malfoy! What are you doing!?" He couldn't help roaming Malfoy's body again before looking away with a…um…hard wand…

'Oh Merlin, I'm lusting after DRACO MALFOY!?' Harry screamed in his head. He took a deep breath. 'Okay, it's not like that. I don't like Draco Malfoy. It is simply the process of a male growing up. Nothing like that. Nothing like that.' After calming himself down, Harry turned back to Malfoy only to see him in a VERY SHORT _GIRLS_ SLEEPING GOWN! He was forced to turn away again as he hear Malfoy shuffle back into his bed with a huge yawn. 'He could use that wide mouth of his for better thing…OH STOP IT HARRY! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!' Harry sagged into his bed.

This was going to be a long night.

**A/N: I apologize for not updating in a while. I hope you like this chapter. I'm sorry that the ending was not that good and somewhat rushed. Since I love this story, I do not want this to happen. I hope I did not disappoint you in this chapter. I will try and update soon but I am under a lot of pressure for my other stories so I'm sorry if I don't update in a while. I didn't look it over so I'm sorry or grammar mistakes. Review if you want to. Thank you for reading!**


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